Blog: What’s on my mind?

 

                                Outing the Alcoholic Inside Me

                                 A Blog by Jeffrey A. Jett

Hello everyone. I’m Jeff and I’m an alcoholic.

God! How many times I’ve said that in my 21 years of sobriety! Probably thousands! So many that it became my identity!

Finally arriving home after a brief incarceration ( Johnny Law did not appreciate driving while intoxicated even 20 years ago), and settling down with my best pal Keystone Light, there came a brief moment of clarity. A spiritual awakening perhaps. “I wonder what it’s like to be sober”, I said to myself.

My thoughts quickly turned to the weekend as I grabbed another beer. Trying to make sense out of an alcoholic blackout is a frightening process indeed.

My estranged wife and I were invited to a mutual friend’s wedding reception up town that Friday night. After the party died down I looked forward to being with Nancy the rest of the evening, thinking maybe something would happen, you know? She had other plans. I was pissed!

I left that place in such a drunken rage that I couldn’t even see or think straight. My truck sped from the parking lot bouncing over the medium strip and zigzagged down the road. At least I was heading in the right direction. There had been other times when I wasn’t. Anyway, I made it almost all the way home when I got stopped by a State trooper. Shit! This was not good!

Back then the troopers would do a sobriety check discreetly, take you in, book you and then take you home. At least that’s what happened to me that night. It was sometime Saturday afternoon when I came to, feeling pretty nasty about the trouble I was in. How could I be so stupid?!

I needed to calm my nerves and straighten out a little bit. A couple beers would do the trick. Six beers later I found myself behind the wheel heading down the street to the closest bar, just five minutes from the house.

It was after eleven when I overshot the turn pulling into the park where I lived. Backing up to try again I noticed a car behind me. I had a bad feeling about this. Thinking I was safe in my own driveway, I staggered toward my front door. Hearing a car door I wheeled around to find the same car that was behind me at the entrance of the park. “Sir? Can I speak to you please?”, I heard him say. He looked somewhat familiar. As I sobered a bit I was shaken almost out of my boots! It was the same trooper that pulled me over the night before!

(To be continued…)

 

Outing the Alcoholic Inside Me
A Blog by Jeffrey A. Jett

(…continued)

So here I was again! I already knew the drill and went along with the trooper peacefully. I was devastated! Why was this happening?!

As I sat down at the station I overheard the troopers in the other room snickering and cracking jokes. Anger welled up inside me as I thought that they were talking about me. To get even I refused to take a blood alcohol test and also refused to sign any paperwork. They accused me of being combatant which landed me in a cell for the night. Are you kidding me?

This “time-out” gave me a chance to think of the trouble I was in and how I was ever going to get out of it. What in God’s name am I going to do? I’m going to need a lawyer right away. Would I spend time in jail? My thoughts were reeling! My mind eventually settled down and I fell asleep.

It wasn’t until Sunday afternoon when I finally arrived home. No one at the station was willing to go out of their way to take me home that morning. I had to catch the county ride and then walk to my house. Man! Last night was such a blur! I had an idea that the troopers were not pleased with my behavior, which did not help my situation. Shame and embarrassment washed over me when one of my neighbors waved at me. I did not need to talk to anyone right now. Acting like I didn’t see him I hurried into the house.

Thank God there was still some beers in the fridge! Fuck it! I’ll worry about the trouble I’m in tomorrow. It’s not like I can get anything done today anyway. Right?

The following week was not shaping up very well at all. There seemed to be a lot of people that were disappointed in me. Imagine that! They’ve got nerve! “I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time that’s all! The cops are singling me out! I just need to be more careful and maybe not drink and drive so much. I’ll be fine!”, I was saying as my boss handed me a business card of a criminal lawyer he knows. So what? Now I’m a friggin’ criminal?! Could I even afford this guy? My boss assured me that we could work this out and that a public defender was out of the question because of the multiple charges I was facing.

My skill at the time was hanging wallpaper. My boss already arranged for me to barter the lawyer’s fee with my expertise. Thank God! The court date was scheduled and I was getting quite anxious…   

 (To be continued…)                                                                             

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Comment (1)

  1. Denise

    Jeff. Your story is powerful and Lord willing someone reading will get the encouragement they need to get another day.

    Reply

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